Raging on a Thursday: The Topic of Consent

 

http://feminspire.com/why-i-never-play-hard-to-get/

This is an article that you need to read. Yes, need to. It’s thought provoking and insightful. More importantly, it made me call into question some of my own experiences. I recently had a Twitter argument with a friend about the new concealed carry law in Illinois. I think it’s a horrendous idea, he thinks it’s a joy among joys, an early Christmas gift from Santa. I see it from the perspective of being a woman, he sees a manly right to bear arms against…bears? 

Well, I’m really not certain. I haven’t had to defend my home against anyone… ever. My body? I’ve gone to battle several times to protect my body, I’ve even lost. Would a gun have protected me? Not a chance. In fact my rapist was the one with a gun. A gun which he had obtained legally, it was given to him as part of his duties as a police officer. He still carries that gun.

The idea that women can now protect themselves because of this new law is preposterous! Obviously the people lobbying on behalf of concealed carry haven’t read the statistics. It’s one more thing they can blame us for. Why didn’t you scream? Run? Fight? Punch? Kick? Scratch? Why didn’t you shoot him with your new Gloc as a result of your right to bear arms, bitch?!

What is certain is that rape, domestic violence, and child abuse are under-reported and under-prosecuted. Leaving the perpetrators with no records, nothing to tell the state that these are “bad people”, meaning guns for all! Plus, as we all know, there is NO WAY to get around the background checks…

http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Children_and_Families/Guns.pdf

The damning statistics about gun violence and it’s twisted relationship to  gender violence is terrifying. Especially in light of the current legislation. However, I could go on all day about that, getting back to consent. 

As Rachel Kay states in her piece, our culture, this culture that devalues the feminine, is appalled by the innate femaleness of a woman, believes that a broad just doesn’t know what’s good for her. Until some man shows her. This is what we have done to ourselves,  take “The Rules” as an example. The 90’s guide book for the single woman, it demanded that  women play hard to get, begging to be “taken”. This has stimulated a battle in a culture that already doesn’t hear the word “no” as a demand for the desistance of an action, but as a challenge. 

As I read the piece I kept hearing the words of my rapist, it sounded something like this:

I need to leave.

No, you don’t.

I’m leaving with, (I’m redacting my SO’s name to protect his undeserved privacy.)

I’m going home.

He’s no good for you, I’m a better guy.

I’m leaving, I’m leaving.

Come on, let me show you.

No.

Come here.

No. 

(Don’t worry boys, I was fighting him off during this whole “conversation”. No need to victim blame here.)

I think we need to revisit the topic of consent and how it is understood in our culture.

Advertisements

What’s important… and why I need your help

I try to not bully my readers with constant posts. Especially when the content that I generally post about is so heavy.

I wanted to share some simple Saturday morning thoughts with you, my lovely readers. I’m not going to have my editor clear this piece, so be prepared for errors and random unnecessary punctuation. I just feel like I want to really talk to you.

It’s Saturday morning and I am surrounded by purring cats. I want to go get a cup of coffee and do some research for a piece I am writing but I was up late last night reading, following links like it’s my job and getting sadder and sadder.

I’m reading about authors and commentators that feel it is appropriate to call the President a “retard” and then call people outraged by such behavior “retarded”.  http://politicker.com/2012/10/ann-coulter-calls-obama-the-retard/

I read about a young girl last night who was bullied into suicide. http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/15-year-old-throws-front-train-staten-island-article-1.1191808

A vice presidential candidate who refers to rape “as another method of conception”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cat5SyMBSpk

Detroit has over 11,000 untested rape kits. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-facts-rape_b_2019338.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

I don’t care about your political persuasion, and I don’t care who you feel is to blame. The problem is that these situations are becoming more common and it’s happening with greater frequency, we need to do something to change it. I’m so sad, it’s unbelievable. I volunteered for over 30 hours last week, that’s how important these things are to me. Are they important to you? Will you help me change the world? Because we need to, now more than ever.