From Loss to Freedom

I am supposed to be doing homework, but my neglected website has been calling to me. Sadly whispering my name and demanding some attention. So many things have changed since the last time I was here, I feel as though I am a totally different person.

Shanna and I decided a couple weeks ago that we needed to make some changes. The stress of our financial situation and it’s potential long-term consequences led us make some significant changes. We came up with different plans; moving to a less expensive place, making cuts to our spending – which at this point, there were times we were going without food, so there wasn’t much more to cut. We were frustrated and confused. Shanna’s father extended the invitation for us to once again take up residence in his living room. The invitation seemed timely and appropriate. So, we did.

As I sit on my bed in the living room-cum- bedroom- cum- study. I am filled with sadness and a little smidgen of fear. I have let go of the ideas of a home. I had loved my home, I had created – piece by piece- this haven of warmth and love. I loved having people over and hosting holidays. It was the deepest, most loving recess of my heart embodied in wood and stone.  I have learned though, that my home is wherever I have invested myself. Losing three bedrooms, my own kitchen and bathroom has left me learning that everything important is intangible. There is no reason to fix some purpose to anything solid. My house didn’t make me, I made my house and wherever I go or live I can do it again. These “possessions” or belongings they do not define me. They are not a part of me of who I am. With them or without them I am still the same. I am just more compact and easily moved. I am free.